


Always Halfway Somewhere

by xCoughSyrupx



Category: Romance - Fandom
Genre: Drama & Romance, F/F, Inspired by Music, Multi, Original Fiction, POV Lesbian Character
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-18
Updated: 2020-10-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:28:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,530
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27077269
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xCoughSyrupx/pseuds/xCoughSyrupx
Summary: “She’s always halfway somewhere, but never quite all there.”Rose can’t help but to wonder who she really is. She’s spent so much time adapting to other people that she forgot who she was on the inside.Lilly always worried she’d drive her lover away, and she blamed herself harshly for every mistake. She spent so much time giving herself to other people that she has no independence left.Will they fix each other and move on?Or will they fall back to the start?





	1. Chapter 1

“I’ll pretend you want me. But only if you pretend you care, Rose.”  
Her words echoed.

I just wanted to catch lightning in a bottle and looking back I wasn’t ready. She was honestly too good for me. She was untouchable and I simply couldn’t resist wasting my time trying. She was so much more than I bargained for. I met her in April, and I think I loved her until October. It was never supposed to go as far as it did. I was a birdcage, even if she didn’t know it; boy could she fly if I let her. With tears in my eyes I humbly left her driveway.

*4 hours later*  
I have yet to stop crying.

“Do I miss her, or do I just miss having someone.”  
My thoughts drove through my body like a riptide.

Lilly kept me in the right state of mind and the dependency was starting to get to me. I couldn’t just risk getting anymore attached. She loved me too much. She loved the smallest things about me like how I’d over analyze basic concepts, and the larger things like how willing I was to drop everything to see her. But that was then.

I just need to get out there and rediscover who I was before I met her. The issue with that idea is that she took everything I used to be and made me more like her. Now I’m forced to walk around empty hallways being reminded that everything I’ve become is an extension of somebody I ruined. She grew to rely on me just like I had grown to need her. After my parents divorced I guess I let it get to me. I let it influence my trust in what’s real and what’s just my brain trying to make a scared little girl get over her loathing of mommy and daddy never talking to each other again.

*ring ring*  
My phone goes crazy.

“Rose, darling, I know it’s late. I’m sorry. You know I hate calling you and bugging you but I’m just scared we left too many things unsaid.”

It was Lilly.

“Nah it’s- it’s alright. D-don’t worry about the time I just. I just guess I’m- I’m sorry. What’s- what’s up?”

My voice shook almost as much as my hands.

“Are we okay? I don’t want to lose you.”

Truth be told, I wasn’t sure if I wanted to lose her either. But truth be told I’m too terrified to be with her anymore.

“I’m not sure. Lilly I need time. I need to figure out if I’m ready for a picket-fence cliche.”

Not a word was a lie.

“I- I get it. Can we at least still be friends?”

I mulled it over. On one hand she stays in my life. Both a pro, and a con. On the other hand, I get rid of her and move on fully.

“I.. I think that would be okay.”

Amongst the tears and the shaking, I think I felt myself smile. I was free to find myself but I still had an anchor to make it less of a commitment.

I slowly hung up and plugged my phone in. I tried my best to get comfortable. I decided to try my best and fall asleep. As I lay softly on my belly, I thought of what might come next. I tossed and turned a little before slowly drifting off to sleep.


	2. Chapter 2

“Let’s give this a shot.”   
As I woke up, this was my first thought.

I don’t feel nearly as different as I thought I would. I guess I was expecting to feel more free. But I don’t miss her. They say you never appreciate something you have until you lose it, but I guess it helps I didn’t appreciate her much before I had her.

*ring ring*  
my phone began to vibrate, signifying a call.

”Hey Rose, what’s up?”

It was my ex.   
  
“Oh, uh, hey, Carla.”

  
I wonder if she’s calling about Lilly. That wouldn’t make much sense though, how could news get out so fast?

“Bet you weren’t expecting to hear from me, huh?”

I didn’t want to be rude but I genuinely hadn’t thought about her in general for a while now.   
  
“A pleasant surprise I guess.”

I wonder what she wants. 

“Lilly told me what happened, I’m really sorry.”

Oh yeah, they’re childhood best friends. Oops.

”I guess I just wasn’t ready for something so serious.”

At least I’m honest.

”Do you want to hangout, maybe? Promise I won’t tell Lilly.”

Part of me was worried it was a date so soon after my breakup. But another part of me didn’t mind.

”I would actually really like that, Coffee at Sugar Den in an hour?”

Why was I excited? I just broke up with Lilly, not to mention that she’s my ex. This is a disaster waiting to happen.

”It’s a date!”   
  
Those words echoed. 

I started to actually get out of bed and get dressed. Did I want to look nice or casual? I went with looking casual; a pair of leggings, teal shirt, purple flannel and combat boots.

By the time I was done self-reflecting in a mirror, it was time to drive to the local coffee shop, Sugar Den. Named so due to the amount of sweet drinks and pastries on the menu. I got out of my tiny, green Ford Focus and went inside. Carla was sitting to the left of the entrance in a booth, presumably checking Twitter as she waited on me.   
  
Carla was a sight to behold. After all, there was a reason we ended up together. A 5’2, dark haired beauty of Puerto Rican descent. She had eyes that could light up a dark hole. But she also had daddy issues to boast and she had jealousy to go with it. Everything was somehow about her, at least in her eyes.

Nobody is perfect but we both sure pushed our luck until the flame died out after 7 months of being together. A girl with commitment issues, and another with jealousy issues, a match made for misery. 

“Hey! Long time no see!”   
  
I managed to muster out the first greeting. 


	3. Chapter 3

Try to see my point of view.

I hadn't see her since the day we broke up, and now here I am, the night after I left Lilly.

"Oh, Hey."

Her response wasn't what I had in mind. 

We hadn't seen each other in so long. I guess i expected more than I should have. She looked so happy to see me, in spite of what her response would lead you to believe. Seeing her made me happy too, I wasn't sure how I would react.

"It's really nice to see you."

I wasn't lying to her, but I feel like I didn't say nearly enough in relativity to what was going on in my head. 

*It'sbeensolongomgAndthenightafterIleftLillyomgI'mterrible*

^Rose's Head^

"It's good to see you too! I honestly wasn't sure you'd show up but I'm glad you did."

_Good._ I said "really nice", but she said "good". 

"I wouldn't dream of standing you up! I missed hanging out."

Again, being truthful. Maybe too truthful.

"Like I said on the phone, Im sorry to here about you and Lilly. I know you two really lov- cared about each other."

Did you catch that? I sure did. She stopped herself from saying love. But was it for my sake or _her_ sake.

"Can I be honest?"

I needed to see how far I could go with this conversation personal-stuff wise.

"Of course, you can tell me anything."

Here it goes...

"I'm glad I left her. I honestly feel like she was a birdcage holding me back from soaring. Sure, she was the sweetest, but I need freedom, Carla. I need something more and I just haven't found out what exactly that means yet. 

Shit. I might have let too much slip there.

"I get it. You always were a free spirit. I'm sure Lilly will understand one day. she'll move on."

God knows Carla did. And she called me a " _free spirit._ " Seems to be a nice way of calling me a bitch with commitment issues.

"I hope so. She deserves to be with someone ready to settle down."

I mean that as well.

"Hey, my turn to be honest."

Oh no.

"Go ahead."

Please don't say it. 

"I'm not over you and I want closure. Either in the form of hanging out, hanging around romantically, or hanging far away from you."

Or hanging; Me from a noose.

"I guees it would be nice to catch up."

Why am I like this?

"This friday night, 8pm at the drive-in theater outside of town."

Maybe she has the right idea.

"It's a date. Now lets order breakfast, I'm starving."

She just smiled, fixed her hair, and winked, 

She will be the death of me.

*20 minutes later*

"This food is really good, I'm glad we both got pancak-"

As I was about to finish my sentence, I heard a chime from the glass door, and felt a pit open in my stomach.

*Ding*

It was Lilly.


End file.
